Cigarette Thoughts

I sit in the dark, my cigarette, the only light. I watch the smoke climb to heaven. Lucky bastards.

I take a puff. the smoke fills me. the taste of menthol rich in my mouth. After a few seconds, I let it all out. I close my eyes and think of the past events.... Events I wish never happened. Events I wish I never witnessed.

What's wrong you ask? It's nothing really. Nothing a cigarette can't help. But then again, this is my 3rd stick. Oh well. Atleast I'm feeling better.

I don't really have anything informative to say. I'm just.... I don't know... I'm confused I guess. I can't make great posts like the other people here on blogger. I'm just a kid. I just write what's in my head. And right now, the problem is that, my head's a mess. and so my thoughts are as well. I'm a loser.

I realized this. I'm a failure with love, a failure with my friends, and a failure for all eternity. I can't do anything right. I suck. Yes. you're right. this is self pity. I pity myself. But i only do this when I'm talking to you. Hundreds of faceless people. People who don't know me, people who have never seen my face, People who don't give a damn about this nineteen year old.

With all these thoughts coursing through my smoke filled head, I take another puff. I hold it in longer than the last time. I tried, and failed to stop the tear falling. Even the smoke couldn't stop it.

What was I doing with my life? Am I sick of it? am I tired? Yes. Yes I am. I'm tired of always hurting. But am I doing anything about it? No. That's why I'm miserable. You're going to suck if you don't freakin' move where you are! You're gonna stay in place? You're just gonna be like a tree. A tree that when a huge freakin storm hits will be uprooted and killed. That's what's gonna happen to you! you're gonna get killed. I doubt you wanna get killed, so move. Move your ass!

You want to date someone? Go for it! You Hate someone? Say it to their faces! You hate the system of your college? Fight! It's that simple. I know that it's easier said than done. Everything is. But once you get moving, there's no stopping you. So if I were you, I'd grab my baseball bat and knock some heads off!! 

C'mon reader! Let's freakin' do this!

With that last thought, and a resolved spirit, I put out my cigarette and wipe away the lone tear that escaped me...

cheers!