My Band Aid.

I wander the streets, lost in thought. The only thing I hear is the Beatles track blasting from my earphones.

I don't really know where I'm headed. I still have three hours of waiting to do. I stop in front of a store's glass window to look at myself. It's true what they say. I lost a lot of weight. Plus my hair is a lot longer now than from my early teenage years. Where has the time gone?

Appearance wasn't the only thing that changed. My entire being changed. No longer did I slash my wrist, no longer was I possessive with my friends, and no longer was I happy.

When did the rainbow of happiness go away? I don't know. I just woke up one day and was surprised that it was gone, to be replaced by a rain cloud that followed me wherever I went. Sure, the rain would sometimes stop, and allow sunshine to come through, but at the end of the day, as I lay in bed, I stop and think that I am unhappy. I don't understand why. My friends love me, my family loves me. What more can I possibly ask for? But still, the emptiness I feel before I fall asleep lingers like a thorn on my thumb.

Because of this empty feeling, and because I don't want my friends to be annoyed by my relentless misery, I smile. I smile when I'm down. I smile to hide the loneliness and pain. I smile to hide the damage. It's my band aid. No one really knows how sad and lonely you feel when you flash them a smile.

But am I really damaged? or am I just imagining things? Someone once told me that I really should stop thinking about bad things. The past mostly. Because they happened. It's done. All you can do is accept it. Maybe they are right. Maybe I'm just wallowing in the past. But somehow I feel like I'm not.

I don't think about the events from earlier this year anymore. I'm focusing on my work. That's why I want to be busy. I want to be able to do things. I want to forget. I wanna have a fresh start with someone. I just want that chance.

"uy!" I heard her through my earphones. I came back to reality and I saw her. She looked happy to see me. I like it when people are happy to see me. it makes me feel like someone cares. "uy ka din. Aga mo ata?" "walang prof eh." "Buti naman. ano? tara na?" "sige" and with that, I left my thoughts for tonight on my bed. For now, I'm going to try and be happy. My band aid is doing its job. fooling everyone. I sometimes wonder if anyone will see through it. No one likes lifting up other people's band aids. All they'll see is damage. Damage they believe deserve to be hidden away under it. "gutom ka na ba? tagal mo nagantay eh." "Medyo. tara siomai tayo." "basta libre mo." "haha. sige. Malakas ka sakin eh." I'll try to be happy. I'll try to heal. I want to take off the band aid. I don't like it very much.

You know what I wished for my birthday? I wished for the void in my heart to be filled. I wonder if it will come true.....