She is at Peace

She lies lifeless on her bed. An empty bottle of meds by her bed. Her father looks at her daughter, and is stunned into silence. Her mother calls the police, tears running down her face, and is hysterical from the moment she set foot in her daughter's room.

Meanwhile, she is at peace. Peace from the bullying, peace from the stress, and peace from the monsters who have hurt her. She has found peace from all the pain and suffering the world has given her.

Her school was silent upon receiving the word. Her friends bow their heads, and are wishing they did more. Her parents go to her locker, and found a note inside.

They read it together, as husband and wife:

By the time you read this, I am already dead.

I'm sorry for leaving in such a rush. But the pain was too much for me to carry on. 

I try to tell them what they were doing to me, but my cries fell on deaf ears, and they all walked away.

I tried to find a friend, a friend who would care enough to take me from this hell. But all are indifferent. I felt like a kitten lost and abandoned. No one heard my cries. And if they did, they didn't care. 

I'm tired of the pain. I'm tired of the suffering! I cut myself. I cut myself every time they hurt me. The pain from the wounds reminded me that I was alive. 

The drugs are temporary. They wear off and I'm back in hell. I'm alive, but I am dead inside. 

I'm sorry to everyone if I'm so offensive that you had to go pick on me. I'm sorry everyone if I'm never good enough. and I'm sorry I'm so pathetic, that the adults have their way with me. I'm sorry I was even born. I'm sorry that I existed.

Don't worry I'm at a happier place now. There will be no more pain. there will only be Peace.

I'm sorry. Not sorry, 

*********       

Her mother cried when she realized, too late, her daughter was in pain. Her father puts his arm around her, holding back the tears he still refused to shed. 

That day, they lost a daughter. How many more need to die? Your friends won't always speak up. and if they do, make sure you're there to listen. 

Never make anyone feel alone. 

"The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved" -- Mother Teresa 

A Comeback?

I met with fellow bloggers a while back. I discovered that there are more people out there who would choose to make friends with people on the internet than with real people in real life.

Of course, they all have their real friends. They all have their own lives. hell, one of them is even a grade school teacher at 19. 19! and I'm 21 who is still working for a college degree.

So anyway, They all have their respective blogs. that's how we met in the first place; through tumblr.

I actually don't regret meeting up with these people. They are awesome in their own right. And talking with them, their life experiences and their blogging experience made me realize, I lost in touch with my blogger self.

I stopped writing for free when I was getting paid to do it. I stopped sharing insights when the money was better.

For a while, writing, to me, has become all about the money. Something Jesse J said it's not about.

When I met up with these new friends, it was kinda shameful to admit that I was being inactive in updating my blog/s. My tumblr has also been slightly forgotten.

Maybe I will start again. A come back. I don't know how often though. After all, this is my last semester. I'm gonna be really busy.

But I will try my best. For now, this is just a post to update this forgotten blog.

And to the readers (if any) thank you for appreciating this blog.

Senti September

Asan na, asan na,
Saya na minsang nadama?

Sa himpapawid, kasama ng ulap?
o naghihingalo sa lupa?

Asan na, asan na,
Saya na minsang nakasama?

Kaluluwa'y ulila mo,
Hanggang ngayon, naghihintay sa'yo.

Asan na, asan na,
Saya na hindi na makakapiling?

Wala na, wala na,
sawi na, patay na.

Ligaya ko sinta, umakyat na sa mga tala,
Hindi na makakasama, hindi na masisilayan.



(c) JC

The Dragon in the Sky

She watches her reflection on the window. Next station Pureza. She sees the dark outlines of buildings and homes. The Dragon passing them by, not minding their existence. 

Through the light of their windows, she gets a glimpse of their life. With the evening growing old, you see the people in their homes eating their dinner, watching tv, sharing the day's activities, and some have decided to end the day. They sleep, not minding the Dragon flying in the sky above. 

She looks and sees the streetlights sparkle, along with the cars' headlights. all rushing, wanting to go home. In the darkness, she is flying, riding in the belly of the flying Dragon in the sky. From this height, she flies away from her troubles, away from this world, and away from everyone. She almost feels free from the loneliness inside. Thrust into the world of silence and calm. The only comfort are the lights which continue to shine, showing the way, the way back home. 

She gazes once again at the face in the window. She sees a face, haunted by exhaustion under messy black hair. The eyes behind the thick glasses, full of wonder and sadness. A sadness so deep she cannot begin to cope. 

She wonders who she is, how the people there saw her. She looked at herself, and saw a writer. A writer flying in a Dragon through the darkness. Taking her home.

She saw the lights. The lights in the darkness was comfort to her. She saw them as friends who would not leave her. 

The Dragon announces the arrival at Anonas, as it slows to a stop. The writer gets off and watches the Dragon disappear into the night. Not to be seen until the break of light. 

She stayed for a moment before she walked away. And as she walked back to reality, she couldn't wait for the freedom which was, inside the Dragon's belly

(Written September 4, 2013 on a train ride home from Recto)

When to Shut Your Mouth

Communicating. Everyone does it, even animals. We communicate because we believe that no man is an island. A man cannot possibly live a healthy life without talking or communicating with another human being.

We talk about all sorts of things with our fellow humans. We talk about the weather, sports, our spouses, and even serious matters like politics and religions.

Yes. we all talk about these sort of things to our companions. But communicating, like everything else in the world, has its limits.

For instance, we don't talk about taboo subjects like sex in public. it's just not appropriate. And we also have to respect the confidentiality of others when they confide in us.

Let us not breathe a word of what they said to others. it's just not right.

And on the internet, when you know you're right, speak up! defend what's correct. Let them learn. And if you're wrong, or have no idea what the hell is going on, shut up. No one wants to hear your half-ass opinion.

I have to learn to keep my mouth shut too. It's not cool to keep talking after everyone else has stopped listening. You'll look like a big jackass. 

But hey, that's just my opinion.

Back Reading

Habang nag aabang ng ibang gagawin para sa thesis namin, at dahil nakikigamit ako ng wifi ng kaibigan, naisipan ko balikan ang mga sinulat kong artikulo this time last year.

Nakita ko ang blogpost na patungkol sa unang dalawang araw ko sa ikatlong taon ng kolehiyo.

binasa ko ito. Nakita ko na napaka dali ng buhay kolehiyo kung wala ka pa sa huling taon. petiks. Salita yan na di alam ng mga kapwa ko Senior students ng Journalism.

OJT at Thesis sem to. lahat ng tao stressed sa paghahanap ng ojt pati na rin sa pagtapos ng thesis na may scheduled defense sa unang linggo ng Agosto.

Ako? hindi ako naiiba sa mga kaklase ko. nakahanap na ako ng OJT, pati, inaasikaso na din namin ang thesis namin. Konti na lang, matatapos na ito.

Mababasa mo sa iba kong blogpost kung kamusta ako sa OJT ko. masaya naman buhay intern eh. Hindi lang talaga halata.

Saan ba ang punto ko ukol sa post na ito? hindi ko din alam. hanggang dito na muna. medyo pagod ako...

Expectations vs. Reality

We have all experienced this at least once in our lives. And for those of you who are reading the first few lines of this blog post for further understanding of what the title is about, let me enlighten you:

Expectation-Reality is when you crate a picture of an event or of a person in your head before you meet them. Thereby, creating an "expectation" for yourself. Reality, of course, is how the person or event or thing actually appears.

For example. You expect the trip to the dentist will be painless and the dentist is a very nice lady who won't use the scary dental drill. When in reality, the dentist is a heartless creature created by God to torture you and your teeth with the scary dental drill.

Sometimes, expectations and reality can be very far apart. and sometimes, it's just right. In example, you expect that school would be boring. when in reality, it is boring. (I'm not pertaining to a certain professor's class, mind you.) Sometimes, you are just correct in  your expectations.

Now, what is the point of my writing this post about expectations-reality? My point is that, I seem to have encountered it today, on my first day as an intern for a local newspaper called: "The Daily Tribune".

I expected to be busy in the office, finding facts, typing articles for school etc. Instead, I am given a few hours to be very lazy. They are even nice enough to let me use their internet. and for what purpose? Why, personal of course! They let me go online. In fact, I'm writing this post from their computer now.

But they did tell me that I will be sent to events and such to be covered for the paper. I then write news about them. and I have to be really good if I ever want to meet the 20 article quota (which, by the way, is ludicrous according to my supervisor.) But I'm not even thinking of the articles anymore. Just the 200hours I have to finish.

So what is my current expectation? I expect to finish the 200 hours by Mid-September. The Reality is still pending, but I hope it will be fine.

I think I'll log out at 5pm. Go home. Eat my dinner. start on the thesis, and then turn in for the night. But then again, these are all just expectations. The reality? well... I'm just hoping they're going to be the same.