Crazy prof is crazy

hey what's up? this is kinda like my 1st post this year. and I can't believe I'm gonna be talking about a crazy teacher.

this semester, we're taking up Humanities as a minor subject. and the prof knows her thing. she knows what she's talking about. She's very organized, and very compassionate towards her students.
but of course, everyone has their flaws and she is no exception.


this afternoon, for the second week in a row, she yelled at us. last week, she freaked out because when she came in, the projector was on the table, and everyone was ready to do their report. Apparently, she did not plan for us to have the report last week. So she was totally pissed at our secretary for not reading her text message, well, yeah, that was kinda the secretary's fault, because she just used one of our classmate's phones to contact her.

not only did she wigged out on the secretary, but also at our President and Treasurer! why you ask? because of paste. yeah. that's right. the stuff you use to stick things to other things. She texted those guys last week telling them to have scissors and glue. it was short noticed so they got what they could find.

later, at class that same day, she checked the scissors and glue. she got mad because they were holding out paste! I mean, really? they're the same thing if you look at it. and what we used them for, it didn't really matter. I have never met a more compulsive teacher in my life!

so, that was last week. let me tell you about today.

last week, the reporting didn't pull through right? so, she asked us to turn in some report papers to her. she didn't say anything that we were supposed to prepare everything this week. so yeah. she wigged out again! this time, she was so pissed that her face turned red! God, i felt like a grade schooler then. frightened of the teacher.

the reporting pulled through this time though. and she was, well, kinda crazy. I don't care what the others say. I honestly think she is a crazy lady! brilliant, but just plain crazy!!

I can't wait for this semester to end, because she is freaking me out man!  O.O

My Suicide Letter

Well, today is the last day of 2011. A lot of people are planning, and making their New Year Resolutions. resolutions that will last, 2-3 days tops. while everyone is busy,

Well, I'm gonna kill myself this 2011, and be reborn in 2012. a new me. with a new perspective....hopefully.

 these are the things I regret:

I regret falling in love. well, they told me that falling in love was one of the best feelings in the world. I gotta admit they were right about that. But they forgot to mention that, when you do, you get hurt. really bad. It takes a while to get back up, and I think I'm almost there, but still, I regret that I fell in love this year. it was not a good year to look for love. :)

I regret caring too much. you know what they say, "the more you care, the more you have to lose." I have a tendency to be really clingy. trying to change that. but hey, when I'm clingy, that means I really care about you. Its just that, people tend to find that, annoying. Well, I guess I should have seen that coming. I guess, next year, I should care a little less, or at least not be too clingy. Because sometimes, always being there can drive the ones you care about away. or at least, get them pissed at you. lol.

I regret not taking action. If I took action, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be spending the holidays so lonely. and maybe I'd be a little happier than I am right now.

and most of all, 

I regret not being happy at times when I should have been. Because thinking back on it now, I must have looked like an ass. being a depressed monkey in a crowd of happy people. Days when I was totally down. damn.....

well, there are two sides to a coin. now that I have the negative gone, this year wasn't all that bad. the following I experienced for the 1st time.

I got drunk. and felt like shit the next morning. not a good way to spend christmas.

I got to interview people. yeah. being a Journalism student has its perks. I found that I like talking to people.

Video Games can save lives. I have a Play Station 2. It saved me from depression this year, and it also makes the best companion. it takes you to a new world, where killing is okay. plus, it won't get mad at you no matter how much you yell at it. :D

Friends will be there. no matter what. tested and proven! they will stay with you. they'll listen. they'll give advice. Lets face it. Life is a shit hole, but when you're with friends, you learn to face all your problems, with well, a semi-smile on your face. :)

I learned a lot more, and I shed more tears than I would care to remember. But one thing is for sure, I am thankful. Thankful because these experiences, will somehow make me feel better, and be more prepared to accept the new year.

and now that I have said everything I wanted to say, I am picking up my gun, loading it with a bullet, and pointing it at my right temple. I'll die... but I'll be born again. no. not as a zombie. But as me. a more awesome me.

to all of you who I met this year, and to those I've known for years, Thank You. To quote a song title, Thanks for the Memories. see you in 2012!

Pulls Trigger. dead.

Depressed

oo. alam ko mas marami pang mas malala na pwede sa akin mangyare. pilit ko tong iniisip. pero hindi ako mapakali. Hindi ko mapigilan na makaramdam ng lungkot at pagkaasar. Hindi ko mapigilan na gustuhin na sapakin ang prof ko sa mukha.
Bakit ako kamo ganito? simple lamang. na-virusan lang naman ang aking USB. at nawala lahat ng aking files. mga articles na sinulat ko, mga pictures ko para sa photography at kung ano ano pa.
nakakalungkot isipin na wala na ako kopya ng iba kong mga gawa.
naiinis ako ngayon. Ano magagawa ko? andyan na yan eh. wala na ako ibang magagawa kundi gumawa ng panibagong mga sulatin.
kaya ko to. SANA. eh ang kaso, tinatamad na ako. natapos ko na kasi eh. tapos uulit ako. buhay nga naman. minsan grabe mang TRIP!
pinapasalamat ko na lang na eto lang ang problema ko. nakakahiya naman kasi sa mundo, nagrereklamo ako samantala ang ibang tao NAGUGUTOM. hmp

walang reader.

dalawa ang pinapa andar kong blog. ito, at isa sa ibang site. nun bakasyon, as you all know, active blogger ako. ngayon medyo busy na, at hindi naaasikaso ang blog, kaya aun, sa kabila kong blog, unti unti na silang naguunfollow. hindi ko to problema dito, bakit kamo?

Eh wala nga ako followers eh. readers pa kaya? hmm.. gusto ko makahagilap ng readers. saan ba ako pde magpulot? tsk. mga kaklase ko sa dyornalism, magagaling magsulat. may mga sense ang nilalagay sa papel, tapos ako. eto, walang kwenta ang mga gawa. basura ako sa paningin ko.....

sana naman, may makapansin dito. un lang naman. oo. alam ko, hindi ako nagbblog tungkol sa sexuality ko, ng ibang tao, o maging sa pagiging tunay na nilalang ko. tungkol lang to sa buhay ko. masyado self centered ang mga tao para mag care sa buhay ng ibang tao. kaya, whatever na lang, I guess, ayos lang din na wala ako followers dito. isa lang. at ung isang un, hindi pa active, so technically speaking, wala akong followers. kaibigan, kung binabasa mo to, isa ka nang reader ko.

hmmm.. actually, kahit hindi kita follower, basta reader, at nag bibigay ng feed back, ayos na sakin. :)

well, magandang gabi kaibigan. sana bukas may maisulat ako.

wrong place...at the wrong time.

hindi ko inaasahan na makita ang nakita ko. hindi ko ito ginusto. Sinong tao ang gusto nakakakita nito? siguro taong may tuliling lang.. at mga weirdo na gusto nakakakita nang nasasaktan na hayop.. ay! nagbigay ako ng spoiler.

hindi na mahalaga. sasabihin ko rin naman eh.. Bilang isang pet owner, at animal lover, mahirap para sakin na makakita ng hayop na nasasaktan, o napagtitripan ng sino man. 

dito sa bahay namin, meron kaming pitong pusa (ata), 4 na aso at isang pagong. lahat ng mga animals namin, hindi yan nagugutom. araw araw, dalawang beses kung pakainin namin yan. naaalala ko kasi ang sinabi sakin ng tatay ko nung bata ako... "makikita mo ang totoong ugali ng tao, sa kung paano niya tratuhin ang mga hayop." 

naniniwala ako sa sinabi ng tatay ko na ito. 

ang tatay ko ay isang nakakatakot na mama, lalo na kapag siya ay galit. pero mabait siya, lalo na sa mga hayop. 

anyway, hindi ito tungkol sa tatay ko.tungkol to sa paglalakad ko kanina pauwi, at sa nakita ko.....

Kanina, maaga ako umuwi. hindi ko ito madalas gawin. pero kanina kasi, ninais ko umuwi ng maaga para medyo makatipid sa aking gastos. Nakatipid nga ako, kaso, I had a life changing experience...

So ayun, nilakad ko mula Anonas LRT station hanggang samin, para lamang makatipid ng 17 sa tricycle. plus exercise na din un oh. haha. 

ang kaso, nagsisi ako at umuwi ako ng maaga kanina. mga mag aala una pa lang nun. andun na ako sa street namin. mga 3 o apat na bahay na lang ang layo ko mula samin, may nakita ako pusa. Black and White siya, nagkakalkal ng basura, malamang naghahanap ng pwede kainin. kinakausap ko un pusa, tinatatawag ko sakin, kaso mas abala siya sa paghanap ng pagkain niya. May ale nagwawalis sa labas ng bahay niya, nakita niya ung pusa, hinampas niya ng walis. binugaw niya. 

ang natakot na pusa, tumakbo sa gitna ng daan. mukang natuliro. tapos may taxi na parating. bumusina ito. kaso lalo natuliro ang kawawang pusa. ang bilis ng pangyayare. gusto ko sana tumalon sa harap ng taxi para mailigtas ung pusa. kaso...

nasagasaan ng PUTANGINANG taxi na yun ung pusa, tapos kumaripas na papalayo. mukang napilay yung kawawang muning, at tumakbo siya at pumasok sa isang bahay... putangina talaga nung taxi na yun.  

nung nasagasaan ung kawawang muning, ang tangi ko lamang nagawa ay, sabunutan ang sarili, at kagatin ang panyo na hawak na nagsisilbing pantabing ko sa mataas na sikat ng araw. "PUTANG INA!!!!!!" ang lakas kong sigaw. na yung ale na nang hampas sa pusa ay tinanong ako "ano nangyare sayo?" tangi kong nasabi saking state of shock: "nasagasaan yung pusa". Hutaena.. pinagtawanan ako nung ale!!! 

naiiyak na ako nun sa shock at lungkot at awa sa muning, tapos pinagtawanan ako! pucha. naglakad na lamang ako pauwi samin. pagdating samin, umakyat ako kagad sa kwarto ko.nilock ang pinto. at nagkulong dun for 5 hours. hindi ko napigilan sarili ko. naiyak ako..hindi ko mapatahan ang sarili ko..

I cried myself to sleep. Nagising ako.. mga ala singko na ng hapon. d ako nagbihis. nakasuot pa din ako nun ng pinangpasok ko with medyas. kalmado na ako nun...

nagpapasalamat lamang ako sa kaibigan ko na nagalala sakin. atleast may nagcare. 

oo. Naiyak ako sa nakita ko. Mababaw? oo. kung sa tingin mo mababaw yun, ayos lang. ayun ako eh.

gusto ko mag volunteer work sa Philippine Animal Welfare Society (PAWS), kaso wala ako oras.

Isa pa yun, napaka ironic na ayun ung napili naming oragnization na ipprofile? or whatever.. d ko lam actually ung agagwin namin.. at ako ang maglelead.. chansa ko na to para makapunta dun. tingnan ko website nila.. 

tunay na nakakatouch yung mga ginagawa nila. gusto ko maging parte nun.

balang araw, magvovolunteer din ako sa PAWS. Yung nakita ko kanina, ay ang nagpabago sa akin...

pero ayoko na ule makakita ng ganon.. kahit kelan.... 

Insulto!!

may assignment kami sa isa kong subject na mag keep ng journal. Naiinsulto ako sa asal ng mga kaklase ko.
personally, meron ako diary. regulary updated yun. Medyo nadismaya ako nung malaman ko na kelangan ko magkeep ng isa pang diary para may ipacheck ako.
Pero pinaka naaasar ako, ay dahil mga iba kong kaklase, parang ginagawang joke time yung mga journal nila na ipapasa. Tipong para lang may maisubmit.
Hindi ko pinapakita kahit kanino na asar ako dito. pero medyo naaasar ako. Alam mo yun pakiramdam na nadaya ka? ayun eh. tipong ikaw nagaral para sa exam, tapos nataasan ka pa ng kaklase mo na nandaya. ayun. yun ang nararamdaman ko.
naiinis ako lalo kapag niyayabang pa nila. hindi ko maintindihan. bat kailangan hapitin? PUTANGINA!!! DAILY nga tapos hahapitin?!?!?! GINAGAGO niyo ba ko?!? mga LESHE kayo!

badtrip. nakakaasar. naglalabas lang ako ng pagka asar at pagka badtrip ko. Wala rin naman nagbabasa nito. kaya, whatever lang.

sa mga gago jan na sa tingin ay joke lang mag tago ng Journal... eo kayo! ..|..

Tumal. tamad. at pagka sawa.

Ang tumal. tila walang magandang mangyayari ngayon araw. tipong, gusto ko na to matapos. Tinatamad na ako. Wala ako gusto gawin.
pero sa kasamaang palad, madami kailangan gawin. Nakalimutan ko. may recitation bukas. hindi lang yun, meron din kami Article tungkol kay Edicio Dela Torre na dapat isubmit. leshe.
last week, pinagawa na kami ng isang feature at isang straight news tungkol saknya. Sa totoo lang, nagsasawa na ako sa pangalan niya. wala na nga akong paki eh.
pasensya na. dala lang to siguro ng medyo pag ka badtrip.
hindi ko din po alam kung bakit ako badtrip ng ganito. basta alam ko, ayoko na. sawa na ako.
sawa na saan kamo? sawa na ako magsulat. pero malamang, ngayon lang yan dahil tinatamad ako.
pilitin ko na lang sarili ko na gumwa kahit sadyang ayaw ko na...