Ang nararamdaman ko ngayon ay mas nakakatakot kesa sa kung ano pang multo na nagpapakita ngayon. Hindi ko na kaya ang sakit na ito. Ang kawalan ng batas at ang naka ambang katotohanan na baka madelay ang pag graduate ko ay ang iknatatakot ko. Masama ba akong estudyante? May nagawa ba akong mali? Natatakot ako. Natatakot talaga ako. Hindi ako GC pero nais ko lang makapagtapos sa tamang panahon. Hindi ako kinakamusta ng mga kaibgan maliban sa isa. Kaibgan ko ba talaga mga iyon? Tangina. Takot na takot ako ngayon. Bumblik ang mga urge ko magpakamatay kung ndi ito maayos.
Pucha. Wala ako mali. Wala akong mali!
Miyerkules, Oktubre 31, 2012
Martes, Oktubre 30, 2012
HELP!
My grade in Communication Research still hasn't changed. I've been trying to call the Dean's Secretary to no avail. She's been refusing my calls. And our professor? he's no help as well. I texted him asking about my grade, and he said that he had Miss Doris fix it. So I got her number and asked about it, I didn't get a reply nor an answer for my call.
It's 6:20 in the evening. still Dropped. What am I going to do? Who can I ask for help? None of my friends seem interested in my predicament, so I won't bother. Our class secretary, yeah, I'm really grateful that she's been trying to help me since Day one. I just wish my professor was just as nice.
Nov. 2 will see the re-opening of the registration, but we are still lacking three units to avoid using the ACE Form. Me? looks like I have no choice but to use the ACE form if my professor still doesn't find time to fix my grade. I passed his subject. I've seen the records.
Please, just let him fix it so I can get on with my life. I have until the Nov. 2.
God guide and protect me.
This song is entitled HELP by The Beatles. this song is the theme song of my life right now.
It's 6:20 in the evening. still Dropped. What am I going to do? Who can I ask for help? None of my friends seem interested in my predicament, so I won't bother. Our class secretary, yeah, I'm really grateful that she's been trying to help me since Day one. I just wish my professor was just as nice.
Nov. 2 will see the re-opening of the registration, but we are still lacking three units to avoid using the ACE Form. Me? looks like I have no choice but to use the ACE form if my professor still doesn't find time to fix my grade. I passed his subject. I've seen the records.
Please, just let him fix it so I can get on with my life. I have until the Nov. 2.
God guide and protect me.
"Help me if you can I'm feeling down. and I do appreciate you being around."
Lunes, Oktubre 29, 2012
The Man in the Mirror
I'm losing hope. This is my suicide letter. You will never hear from me again. My friends. I love them. But I don't feel their presence in my time of need. A lot of times, I feel scared. Scared of the man I see in the mirror at night. He calls to me. Calls my name when all is dark. I can do nothing but cower under my blankets. Musting up a bit of courage, I peek at the mirror on the other side of the room. Inside, a tall man in a black suit with black eyes and slick black hair is standing, leering at me. I felt my heart drop to my stomach. I sat there frozen, staring at the creature in the mirror. Then, in a cloud of smoke, he vanished.
The next morning, I told my mom and dad what I saw the night before. As expected, they didn't believe me, and insisted that I was dreaming. It was too vivid to be a dream. Too real. too...scary. It was no dream. That night, I slept. I woke up to someone calling. "pst.. psst... psst!!" I tried to ignore it and tried to convince myself that I was dreaming. "psst!! psst! PSSTT!!" it was getting louder. I shut my eyes tight and prayed to God for protection. as I prayed, I heard laughter... "MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!" it sent chills down my spine. I never felt so helpless...
Three days later, every night was the same. The lack of sleep was driving me crazy. For the sake of rest, I decided to stay at a friend's house. I slept soundly, until.... "psst! psst!! " Oh no, it was starting again! My eyes flew open and I sat up. The room was dark, and unlike my room, this did not have a mirror. But what I saw next nearly made me faint. He was there. on the foot of my bed. Grinning. his hair slicked back, eyes dark as the night. The man in my mirror. His grin scared me the most, it was like a shark's grin. Filled with rows of and rows of fangs....
"Aren't you going to ask God for guidance?" it said with a deep voice. then he threw his head back and started laughing... "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" I was so scared that I started yelling myself. My friend came rushing into the room. I told him what happened, what I saw, and how I believed it to be the devil himself! My friend just looked confused and insisted that I was dreaming. He didn't believe me as well...
It has been a month. The creature is still following me wherever I go. I can't take this anymore. and the fact that nobody believes me... It's all too much! They fired me from my work and my parents think I'm going crazy. and now, I think I see him even in the day time! the man in the black suit, with the dark eyes... He's everywhere!
He's even here as I write this, he looks happy... I think he knows what I'm about to do. Oh God, why did you let this happen??
I'm going to kill myself. let them find this. let them know I'm not insane! The man in the black suit wins! I give up! Death is better than being tortured everyday! I quit!
EPILOGUE
Jack Smith was found in his bedroom, he shot himself in the head. His parents found his suicide letter on his laptop. They could not believe it. under his letter, a note written in really large fonts was found, and they believed it to have been added by the demon tormenting their son. the note read:
The next morning, I told my mom and dad what I saw the night before. As expected, they didn't believe me, and insisted that I was dreaming. It was too vivid to be a dream. Too real. too...scary. It was no dream. That night, I slept. I woke up to someone calling. "pst.. psst... psst!!" I tried to ignore it and tried to convince myself that I was dreaming. "psst!! psst! PSSTT!!" it was getting louder. I shut my eyes tight and prayed to God for protection. as I prayed, I heard laughter... "MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!" it sent chills down my spine. I never felt so helpless...
Three days later, every night was the same. The lack of sleep was driving me crazy. For the sake of rest, I decided to stay at a friend's house. I slept soundly, until.... "psst! psst!! " Oh no, it was starting again! My eyes flew open and I sat up. The room was dark, and unlike my room, this did not have a mirror. But what I saw next nearly made me faint. He was there. on the foot of my bed. Grinning. his hair slicked back, eyes dark as the night. The man in my mirror. His grin scared me the most, it was like a shark's grin. Filled with rows of and rows of fangs....
"Aren't you going to ask God for guidance?" it said with a deep voice. then he threw his head back and started laughing... "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" I was so scared that I started yelling myself. My friend came rushing into the room. I told him what happened, what I saw, and how I believed it to be the devil himself! My friend just looked confused and insisted that I was dreaming. He didn't believe me as well...
It has been a month. The creature is still following me wherever I go. I can't take this anymore. and the fact that nobody believes me... It's all too much! They fired me from my work and my parents think I'm going crazy. and now, I think I see him even in the day time! the man in the black suit, with the dark eyes... He's everywhere!
He's even here as I write this, he looks happy... I think he knows what I'm about to do. Oh God, why did you let this happen??
I'm going to kill myself. let them find this. let them know I'm not insane! The man in the black suit wins! I give up! Death is better than being tortured everyday! I quit!
EPILOGUE
Jack Smith was found in his bedroom, he shot himself in the head. His parents found his suicide letter on his laptop. They could not believe it. under his letter, a note written in really large fonts was found, and they believed it to have been added by the demon tormenting their son. the note read:
HE IS MINE NOW.
Linggo, Oktubre 28, 2012
The Stranger
I sit and wait for you, nothing new. I'm getting bored watching people eat. Why did I choose the food court to wait? I started thinking about the poem I was paid to write. I could try and get started while I was waiting, but alas, I am a writer with no paper. And I was too lazy to pull out my laptop or cellphone to type my thoughts down. I was so lost in thought, that I didn't realize that someone sat in the chair next to me.
"You have the time?" He invaded my train of thought. "huh? oh, it's half past three." "Thanks" I didn't think much of him. Thought he was just some random guy waiting for his friends to see a movie or something, after all, it was a saturday.
We both sat waiting for the next 30 minutes or so. "Hey, is this the only food court in this mall?" "Yeah it is." I was starting to get uncomfortable. I hated talking to strangers. "Man, I've been here all day." "You waiting for someone?" I cautiously asked. "Yeah. but I'm starting to lose hope here." Hugging my back pack, I continued the conversation. "Who you waiting for?" "I'm lost. See, I'm from Bulacan. and this is my first time in Manila...." He continued on, and told me how a recruiter his father met brought him here in Manila, and stole everything he had. He had nothing left except the clothes on his back. He said that he called via pay phone a friend living in Caloocan, the friend promised to pick him up. It was almost sunset and he hasn't seen eye nor tail of the friend.
"You shouldn't trust people so easily. Everyone has a tendency to screw you over." "Yeah, that's the only thing I learned from all of this. Now look at me, I'm broke and I can't even pay the bus fare home." "How much is it to get to Bulacan from Cubao?" "About 63php."
I thought about giving him some of my money, but then again, I was taking my own advice. I didn't trust this guy, and I have been tricked before. What if he's just some con artist playing with my emotions? We talked for some time. He told me how he hasn't eaten since last night and how hungry he was. I wasn't sure I believed him. But I offered him my bottled water. It was still almost full. He drank the entire thing in one gulp. He was indeed thirsty.
"Thanks." "No problem. If that friend of yours don't show up, what are you going to do?" He shrugs. "I don't know..." I was starting to feel sorry for this guy. Part of me believed his story, the other just didn't. My friend showed up and we ate a late lunch. She was also a little skeptical of the character of our acquaintance. But I spent the last hour and a half talking to him, and was a little ready to trust him. "Hey buddy, take this." "What? I-I couldn't..." "Go ahead. It's fine." I was offering him half my lunch. He gladly ate it. Man, he was hungry.
My friend and I discussed the poem she wanted done. We discussed my deadline and pay. And how she expected it to come out. Man, she is one tough client! But she pays generously, so if I pull this job off, I can buy that new video game I've been wanting. When we were done, I looked back to the stranger to find him gone. He left a note under his plate,
"You have the time?" He invaded my train of thought. "huh? oh, it's half past three." "Thanks" I didn't think much of him. Thought he was just some random guy waiting for his friends to see a movie or something, after all, it was a saturday.
We both sat waiting for the next 30 minutes or so. "Hey, is this the only food court in this mall?" "Yeah it is." I was starting to get uncomfortable. I hated talking to strangers. "Man, I've been here all day." "You waiting for someone?" I cautiously asked. "Yeah. but I'm starting to lose hope here." Hugging my back pack, I continued the conversation. "Who you waiting for?" "I'm lost. See, I'm from Bulacan. and this is my first time in Manila...." He continued on, and told me how a recruiter his father met brought him here in Manila, and stole everything he had. He had nothing left except the clothes on his back. He said that he called via pay phone a friend living in Caloocan, the friend promised to pick him up. It was almost sunset and he hasn't seen eye nor tail of the friend.
"You shouldn't trust people so easily. Everyone has a tendency to screw you over." "Yeah, that's the only thing I learned from all of this. Now look at me, I'm broke and I can't even pay the bus fare home." "How much is it to get to Bulacan from Cubao?" "About 63php."
I thought about giving him some of my money, but then again, I was taking my own advice. I didn't trust this guy, and I have been tricked before. What if he's just some con artist playing with my emotions? We talked for some time. He told me how he hasn't eaten since last night and how hungry he was. I wasn't sure I believed him. But I offered him my bottled water. It was still almost full. He drank the entire thing in one gulp. He was indeed thirsty.
"Thanks." "No problem. If that friend of yours don't show up, what are you going to do?" He shrugs. "I don't know..." I was starting to feel sorry for this guy. Part of me believed his story, the other just didn't. My friend showed up and we ate a late lunch. She was also a little skeptical of the character of our acquaintance. But I spent the last hour and a half talking to him, and was a little ready to trust him. "Hey buddy, take this." "What? I-I couldn't..." "Go ahead. It's fine." I was offering him half my lunch. He gladly ate it. Man, he was hungry.
My friend and I discussed the poem she wanted done. We discussed my deadline and pay. And how she expected it to come out. Man, she is one tough client! But she pays generously, so if I pull this job off, I can buy that new video game I've been wanting. When we were done, I looked back to the stranger to find him gone. He left a note under his plate,
Thanks for your time and for the food. You are a good man and robbing you would be too shameful. But everything I told you was real. Thank you for giving me money. I will never forget your kindness..
May God Bless You.
signed,
**********
Damn, so he WAS out to rob me! At most, I only gave him 20. And if he was telling the truth about him being robbed, well, whatever. May God have mercy on his soul.
I went home that night and got to work, still thinking about the strange man. I wonder if he made it back home?
It felt good that I helped out a man in need, but I was a bit unsure about the fact that he tried to rob me. But I'm glad he didn't. He still had a heart. I hope he's okay....
Sabado, Oktubre 27, 2012
Happiness
The nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I don't feel confident with the stories or poems I write. I always feel that they are awful in some way.
Now, a friend posted some of my stories on facebook as a note on her account. I was shocked with the feed backs it received. They liked it!
Ako: Nakakatuwa mga comment ng tao sa kwento ko. nakakataas ng self esteem. :3
Friend: yes. yun ang dahilan nang pagpromote ko. Para makita mo na maganda talaga gawa mo.
Ako: :3
Happiness could not begin to describe how I felt. It was seriously, the nicest thing anyone has done for me. And I saw those people, strangers to me. Praising my work. It was just.... awesome.
So, to the person who did that, you have lifted something I could not have. My self esteem. Thank you. So much. I thank God I have been blessed with a person like you in my life. :)
Now, a friend posted some of my stories on facebook as a note on her account. I was shocked with the feed backs it received. They liked it!
Ako: Nakakatuwa mga comment ng tao sa kwento ko. nakakataas ng self esteem. :3
Friend: yes. yun ang dahilan nang pagpromote ko. Para makita mo na maganda talaga gawa mo.
Ako: :3
Happiness could not begin to describe how I felt. It was seriously, the nicest thing anyone has done for me. And I saw those people, strangers to me. Praising my work. It was just.... awesome.
So, to the person who did that, you have lifted something I could not have. My self esteem. Thank you. So much. I thank God I have been blessed with a person like you in my life. :)
Huwebes, Oktubre 25, 2012
Kumpisal
"ayoko na."
"huh?"
"ayoko na. break na tayo."
"bakit??"
"Kasi, hindi na kita mahal."
Ha? tama ba dinig ko?
"kasi..."
iba pala sinabi niya... puro dahilan naririnig ko. Bakit di mo na lang diretsahin na hindi mo na ako mahal? May iba ka na siguro. Muka naman eh..
"ganun lang? para saan pa ang tatlong taon?"
"......"
Stop it. Your breaking my heart.....
"okay, fine."
Tumakbo ako. Walang mapaglagyan ang lungkot ko. Ayoko makita mo ang ginawa mo sakin. Ang alam ko lang, ayoko na kita makita muli. Paano mo to nagawa? tumatakbo pa din ako, di ko na alam kung asan ako. nang tumigil na ako, halos wala na akong hininga sa pag iyak at pagtakbo ng sabay. Parang ngayon ko lang naranasan yung ganitong sakit. Ang nagpapasakit pa lalo, ay ang katotohanan na ang may gawa ay ang taong siya pa nagsabi na hindi niya to magagwa sa akin. Tadhana nga naman... Bigla ko narinig pangalan ko...
"Uy! okay ka lang?" dumilat ako, at nakitang asa classroom ako. Medyo iritable sa magandang gising ni classmate.
napaisip sa panaginip. Isang taon na pala nakakalipas mula nung gabing yun. Isang taon na din ako parang naliligaw ng landas. Sa mundong kinikilusan ko, mahirap magtiwala. Minsan ang mga kaibigan, ay hanggang sa muka mo lang. Pag talikod ay wala na. Wala ako mapagkwentuhan. Pakiramdam ko nagiisa ako dito. Nagsalpak ng earphones at nagsoundtrip. Pinanood mga kaklaseng lalake magharutan. Ang mga lalaki kaya wala talaga pakielam? Tipong sige sige lang? Hindi naman siguro....
Tumambay ka nanaman sa isipan ko. Pwede bang wag? Dapat nga di na kita iniisip eh. Yung emosyon, alaala at iba pa, dapat nilalagay na sa hukay eh. Pero hindi, tuloy pa din. Tuloy pa din ako nasasaktan.
Alam nilang lahat na ikaw ay alaala na lamang sa akin. Taong minsan nagpatibok ng puso ko, at naging inspirasyon sa pagkabuhay. Alam nila nangyare satin, At alam din nila na nakalimutan na kita... pero gaano ito katotoo?
May aaminin ako. Hindi madali kalimutan ang tatlong taong pagsasama. Naiisip lang kita na masaya sa piling ng iba, tila nadudurog nanaman ang puso kong kawawa. Alam mo kung ano mas masakit? Nagawa ka niya ipaglaban, samantala ako takot. Takot sa sasabihin ng magulang, sa sasabihin ng iba. na sabi mo dati, hindi importante. Hindi importante sasabihin nila, basta tayo magkasama.
Gusto ko humingi ng pasensya. Pasensya na duwag ako. Pasensya na parang nagkulang ako. Ito ba dahilan ng paglisan mo? Sorry na. Alam ko, hindi mo to maririnig, alam ko, wala ka nang paki, pero gusto ko lang malaman ng mundo, na minahal kita. Hindi ko man ito lubos napadama, hindi ko man ito lubos nasabi, pero minahal kita. Kaya ganon na lang kalaki ang butas sa buhay ko na iniwan mo.
alam mo, sa totoo lang, Nasasaktan ako pag nakikita kita. Ang saya mo kasi eh. Yung bago mo? nagawa kang ipaglaban. Nagawa niyang isigaw sa mundo pagmamahal niya sayo. Madami siyang nagawa na wala akong tapang gawin.
Isang taon na, alam mo ba yun? mula nung niyakap mo ako at binulungan na mahal mo ako. Isang taon na din mula ng hinalikan mo ako... alaala na lang ba tayo? Miss na kita...
Alam mo mga regalo mo? alaala mo pa din dala nila. Mga sulat mo? hindi ko magawang itapon sa sunog. Muntik lang, pero hindi kinaya ng pusong pangalan mo'y tuloy na isinisigaw. Tama na please... wag ka na sa isip ko. Nagagawa ko pang saktan sarili ko....
"Andyan na si sir!" Kumaripas ng ayos ng upo ang mga kaklase. Tinago ang earphones at blankong napatingin sa board, si prof, nagsasalita.
Sa totoo lang, hindi na ako sigurado sa sarili ko. May mga araw na gusto kita yakapin, may araw na kinasusuklaman kita. Ang kawawa kong puso ay hindi makapag desisyon. Hindi ko tuloy maintindihan kung asan na nga ba ako? Asan na tayo? Aaminin ko, miss na kita. Pero hinding hindi mo ito maririnig mula sa akin. Sikreto ko to. ang aking kumpisal.
"huh?"
"ayoko na. break na tayo."
"bakit??"
"Kasi, hindi na kita mahal."
Ha? tama ba dinig ko?
"kasi..."
iba pala sinabi niya... puro dahilan naririnig ko. Bakit di mo na lang diretsahin na hindi mo na ako mahal? May iba ka na siguro. Muka naman eh..
"ganun lang? para saan pa ang tatlong taon?"
"......"
Stop it. Your breaking my heart.....
"okay, fine."
Tumakbo ako. Walang mapaglagyan ang lungkot ko. Ayoko makita mo ang ginawa mo sakin. Ang alam ko lang, ayoko na kita makita muli. Paano mo to nagawa? tumatakbo pa din ako, di ko na alam kung asan ako. nang tumigil na ako, halos wala na akong hininga sa pag iyak at pagtakbo ng sabay. Parang ngayon ko lang naranasan yung ganitong sakit. Ang nagpapasakit pa lalo, ay ang katotohanan na ang may gawa ay ang taong siya pa nagsabi na hindi niya to magagwa sa akin. Tadhana nga naman... Bigla ko narinig pangalan ko...
"Uy! okay ka lang?" dumilat ako, at nakitang asa classroom ako. Medyo iritable sa magandang gising ni classmate.
napaisip sa panaginip. Isang taon na pala nakakalipas mula nung gabing yun. Isang taon na din ako parang naliligaw ng landas. Sa mundong kinikilusan ko, mahirap magtiwala. Minsan ang mga kaibigan, ay hanggang sa muka mo lang. Pag talikod ay wala na. Wala ako mapagkwentuhan. Pakiramdam ko nagiisa ako dito. Nagsalpak ng earphones at nagsoundtrip. Pinanood mga kaklaseng lalake magharutan. Ang mga lalaki kaya wala talaga pakielam? Tipong sige sige lang? Hindi naman siguro....
Tumambay ka nanaman sa isipan ko. Pwede bang wag? Dapat nga di na kita iniisip eh. Yung emosyon, alaala at iba pa, dapat nilalagay na sa hukay eh. Pero hindi, tuloy pa din. Tuloy pa din ako nasasaktan.
Alam nilang lahat na ikaw ay alaala na lamang sa akin. Taong minsan nagpatibok ng puso ko, at naging inspirasyon sa pagkabuhay. Alam nila nangyare satin, At alam din nila na nakalimutan na kita... pero gaano ito katotoo?
May aaminin ako. Hindi madali kalimutan ang tatlong taong pagsasama. Naiisip lang kita na masaya sa piling ng iba, tila nadudurog nanaman ang puso kong kawawa. Alam mo kung ano mas masakit? Nagawa ka niya ipaglaban, samantala ako takot. Takot sa sasabihin ng magulang, sa sasabihin ng iba. na sabi mo dati, hindi importante. Hindi importante sasabihin nila, basta tayo magkasama.
Gusto ko humingi ng pasensya. Pasensya na duwag ako. Pasensya na parang nagkulang ako. Ito ba dahilan ng paglisan mo? Sorry na. Alam ko, hindi mo to maririnig, alam ko, wala ka nang paki, pero gusto ko lang malaman ng mundo, na minahal kita. Hindi ko man ito lubos napadama, hindi ko man ito lubos nasabi, pero minahal kita. Kaya ganon na lang kalaki ang butas sa buhay ko na iniwan mo.
alam mo, sa totoo lang, Nasasaktan ako pag nakikita kita. Ang saya mo kasi eh. Yung bago mo? nagawa kang ipaglaban. Nagawa niyang isigaw sa mundo pagmamahal niya sayo. Madami siyang nagawa na wala akong tapang gawin.
Isang taon na, alam mo ba yun? mula nung niyakap mo ako at binulungan na mahal mo ako. Isang taon na din mula ng hinalikan mo ako... alaala na lang ba tayo? Miss na kita...
Alam mo mga regalo mo? alaala mo pa din dala nila. Mga sulat mo? hindi ko magawang itapon sa sunog. Muntik lang, pero hindi kinaya ng pusong pangalan mo'y tuloy na isinisigaw. Tama na please... wag ka na sa isip ko. Nagagawa ko pang saktan sarili ko....
"Andyan na si sir!" Kumaripas ng ayos ng upo ang mga kaklase. Tinago ang earphones at blankong napatingin sa board, si prof, nagsasalita.
Sa totoo lang, hindi na ako sigurado sa sarili ko. May mga araw na gusto kita yakapin, may araw na kinasusuklaman kita. Ang kawawa kong puso ay hindi makapag desisyon. Hindi ko tuloy maintindihan kung asan na nga ba ako? Asan na tayo? Aaminin ko, miss na kita. Pero hinding hindi mo ito maririnig mula sa akin. Sikreto ko to. ang aking kumpisal.
THE END
Miyerkules, Oktubre 24, 2012
Still DROPPED
It's almost been 24 hours. Still no change. Looks like I have to go to school. There seems to be a system error, if not a human error. Will there be an angel ready to save me? I am scared right now. I don't even know what I'll find in school. Will there be officials ready to serve their students? Or will I go home, defeated?
I'm scared. I'm asking for the divine presence of the Lord to guide me. I don't want to have to repeat the class. Because if I do, I won't graduate the same time as my friends. I don't want that.
I hope this errand of mine will bear fruits.
I'm scared. I'm asking for the divine presence of the Lord to guide me. I don't want to have to repeat the class. Because if I do, I won't graduate the same time as my friends. I don't want that.
I hope this errand of mine will bear fruits.
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