Teeth

I've been having dental problems for the past few weeks. I've been gargling my Dad's booze just to make the pain go away. But it's like the pain in my heart. It goes away for a while, but comes back.

So the day before I turned 20, I went to a new dentist because my old one was too busy. She was a nice lady who lived a few streets from us. Her clinic was like, a living room/sari sari store/ dental clinic where the other waiting patients can sit and watch you as you writhe in agony because of the dental drill.

Plus her equipment, though they're acceptably clean, I still prefer my old dentist. Because I just don't think they're that clean. My old dentist keeps everything in this closet like thing made of steel which I think keeps everything sanitized until further use.

The last thing I don't like is the fact that this particular dentist, DOES NOT WEAR GLOVES. I mean... yeah sure you wash your hands, but.... I just don't feel comfortable with people putting their fingers in my mouth. How the heck do I know if it really is clean? ahk.

This latest trip to the dentist has taught me one important lesson: Always brush your teeth and and keep them healthy. Why I hated brushing my teeth as a kid, I will never know.

My Band Aid.

I wander the streets, lost in thought. The only thing I hear is the Beatles track blasting from my earphones.

I don't really know where I'm headed. I still have three hours of waiting to do. I stop in front of a store's glass window to look at myself. It's true what they say. I lost a lot of weight. Plus my hair is a lot longer now than from my early teenage years. Where has the time gone?

Appearance wasn't the only thing that changed. My entire being changed. No longer did I slash my wrist, no longer was I possessive with my friends, and no longer was I happy.

When did the rainbow of happiness go away? I don't know. I just woke up one day and was surprised that it was gone, to be replaced by a rain cloud that followed me wherever I went. Sure, the rain would sometimes stop, and allow sunshine to come through, but at the end of the day, as I lay in bed, I stop and think that I am unhappy. I don't understand why. My friends love me, my family loves me. What more can I possibly ask for? But still, the emptiness I feel before I fall asleep lingers like a thorn on my thumb.

Because of this empty feeling, and because I don't want my friends to be annoyed by my relentless misery, I smile. I smile when I'm down. I smile to hide the loneliness and pain. I smile to hide the damage. It's my band aid. No one really knows how sad and lonely you feel when you flash them a smile.

But am I really damaged? or am I just imagining things? Someone once told me that I really should stop thinking about bad things. The past mostly. Because they happened. It's done. All you can do is accept it. Maybe they are right. Maybe I'm just wallowing in the past. But somehow I feel like I'm not.

I don't think about the events from earlier this year anymore. I'm focusing on my work. That's why I want to be busy. I want to be able to do things. I want to forget. I wanna have a fresh start with someone. I just want that chance.

"uy!" I heard her through my earphones. I came back to reality and I saw her. She looked happy to see me. I like it when people are happy to see me. it makes me feel like someone cares. "uy ka din. Aga mo ata?" "walang prof eh." "Buti naman. ano? tara na?" "sige" and with that, I left my thoughts for tonight on my bed. For now, I'm going to try and be happy. My band aid is doing its job. fooling everyone. I sometimes wonder if anyone will see through it. No one likes lifting up other people's band aids. All they'll see is damage. Damage they believe deserve to be hidden away under it. "gutom ka na ba? tagal mo nagantay eh." "Medyo. tara siomai tayo." "basta libre mo." "haha. sige. Malakas ka sakin eh." I'll try to be happy. I'll try to heal. I want to take off the band aid. I don't like it very much.

You know what I wished for my birthday? I wished for the void in my heart to be filled. I wonder if it will come true.....

Playstation2

yesterday was my birthday. The day of my birth. The day when I was brought in to this world.

Yesterday I celebrated two decades of existence. With the celebration with my friends and cousins, it was awesome! But what made it even better?

this made it better:

My PlayStation2 Greeted me on my birthday! aww... The game I'm Playing here is Metal Gear Solid2: Substance. It's an extended version of MGS2: Sons of Liberty which happens to be one of my all time favorite video games.

My sister sent me three PS2 games and two PS3 games for our sister's husband. I want to play the PS3. But our TV can't handle that fancy pants game console. I'm no fan of PC gaming because that requires a High-End PC like David's. So I stick to a PS2.

Anyway, I only wanted to share this because I'm gonna go play now. see ya!

Content

The internet at my parents' house is back up. Yes. I am incredibly happy. So how goes it? I don't have much to say. specially now because I have to work on that script for BroadJourn. If I don't give it in soon, Gab will kick my ass. So I'll post some more stuff later... After I do my job.

Cheers!

untrue Things

Last friday, we had our Midterm in Statistics. after that, our prof said that because of the grades, he believes that we weren't taking his class seriously and that he didn't want to adjust to our level anymore.

he said it was because of the cheaters he saw and some other shit. Honestly, I haven't cheated in Statistics. and I don't always study my lessons. But with Statistics it's different. I actually pay attention and I take his lessons seriously. And the studying I do? I study one week before he gives the test.

But for some reason, it is never enough to pass. Oh how cruel faith is to me. I know that I am in danger, but I also know that the semester is not over yet. There are still chances for me to prove that guy wrong. That I deserve to pass and that I don't deserve to fail.

I'll show him and my classmates that I can be good with numbers... They will all see....

Unfair Treatment is Unfair!

This all started the other day. I was eating lunch with my friends right? and one of them said "pag tinawagan natin yun mababdtrip pero pag si ano ang tumawag okay lang."

After those words left her mouth, It got me thinking as I was drinking my Pepsi Pogi. are those actions justified? I mean, you can be as mean as you want to your friends, but when it's your lover, you are as sweet as sugar? I mean, seriously. You're friends were there before your lover. they were there when you are down, (most of the time), and they were there for your triumphs. Your lover, well...he was just there. doing nothing.

I never thought I'd see the day when a friend is afraid to show concern over the welfare of a friend just because they know that that person will yell and get mad at them. I guess what I'm saying is that, we should treat our friends with a little more respect. what my friend is doing just doesn't seem right.

To quote that guy from Futurama, "i don't want to live in this planet anymore"

Posting from beyond the Surface

Wasup followers? I haven't been able to update much because our internet provider decided to be  a bitch and die. Meaning we don't have internet at home/ It's been like this for a while now. I'm posting from a planet that makes you pay to use their internet services and computers. that's right. I'm at a computer shop.

I didn't want to spend the money. but my leader needed the updated stuff for our Research. he isn't online yet. But I'm still waiting. Because he still needs to check and see if it's okay or if I need to edit it.

Anyway, I'm still alive and awesome. Yesterday, I watched The Expendables 2 with SexyLove and LoveBabe. It was hella awesome. Plus Chuck Norris was there! Awesome movie is awesome.

I'm going to post about other stuff in my next few posts. gotta make the most of my two hours here on this planet.

Cheers!