May Joke Ako...

Hindi ako makapagfocus. Ang dami tumatakbo sa isipan ko. Mga alaala natin, pati na din ang muka mo.

Ineexplain ni Prof ang SMCR+E model. wala ako maintindihan. Walang pumapasok sa utak ko. Tila ba binara mo ang daan papunta sa aking isipan. bakit? kasi gusto mo ikaw lang laman nito. Pero syempre, joke ko lang yun. Ako lang naman may gusto eh.

Katabi kita. Naguusap tayo. Nagtatawanan tayo. Ngingitian mo ko. Ngingiti din ako. Sa mga sandaling iyon, pakiramdam ko walang masamang nangyare. Walang “break up” walang kahit ano. Na hindi nagbago pakikitungo natin sa isa’t isa. Pero syempre, joke lang yun.

Tapos na mga araw na sabay tayo pumasok. Tapos na mga araw na magdamag tayo magkausap. Tapos na din ang mga araw na ako ang iyong mahal. At sa paglisan mo, tangay mo pati kaligayahan ko. Tuwing naiisip ko ang mga ito, napapangiti ako. Dahil kapag hindi, baka maluha ako. Wish ko lang, joke to.

Ano ba meron sayo at nabihag mo ang kawawa kong damdamin? Hindi ka malimot. pag gising sa umaga, Ikaw pa din una ko naiisip. Una ko lagi naaalala yung araw na hinalikan mo ako, at binulong sa tenga ko, “happy birthday.” Ang dami pa, pero baka abutin tayo ng siyam siyam pag sinabi ko lahat.

Alam mo ba? jinojoke ko sarili ko. Lagi ko sinasabi na okay na tayo. na okay na ako. na hindi na kita kailangan. Pero tulad nga ng sabi ko, joke yun. Miss na miss na miss na miss pa rin kita, kahit six months na ang nakalipas. Hanggang kailan mo ba balak ibihag ang puso ko?

Mahal pa din kita. Pero wala na. Kaya ngingiti na lang ako everytime na ngingitian mo ako. tatawa ako sa bawat joke mo. At susubukan ko kalimutan ka. Kahit na alam ko, na isang malaking joke yun.

The Nerd in Me

Since I'm a failure with most things, I have turned my attention to my hobbies. Earlier last month, I have posted here that I would revive my old PlayStationPortable1000 (PSP1000).

And a few weeks ago, I bought a brand new battery pack for it which cost me 500 pesos. and now I got it upgraded. it is now a PSP1000 with the personality of a PSP2000. I don't have it yet though. It's with my buddy Harold. He got me a pretty sweet discount. the upgrading usually cost aroung 450. I got mine upgraded for 250. Thank you Harold's friend!

So yeah, I'm pretty psyched about seeing my baby tomorrow. But for now, I'm still playing my Nintendo Gameboy Advance SP. Thank You Master Panda for lending me Pokemon Sapphire Version. I personally would've liked Emerald Version better because the Pokemon there moved. It is also the first Pokemon for the Gameboy with moving Pokemon. And in case you're wondering, yes. I did finish both games before back in High School.

After the upgrade, I plan on getting the UMD reader fixed. Harold said it would cost me 400 with his friend, or I can try fixing it on my own with a blank UMD. Let me explain.

The UMD reader of my PSP is broken. When I turn on the system, it automatically tries to find a game in the UMD slot, even if the auto scan is turned off in the settings. Unnerved, Harold got it checked out, and stated above was the diagnosis.

I plan to get my PSP 100% running before the end of this semester. But there's still a lot that needs to be done. The analog also needs to be checked out. I think that's another 500 easy. So yeah, I'm putting all my money into my baby. I love my PSP, PS2 and my GameBoy Advance SP. My sister said she MIGHT get me a PS Vita. A PS Vita!!! can you believe it?!?! I hope she wasn't kidding. I want one of those.

And no. I'm not a fan of gadgets, just video games. Handhelds are always a must have.

Well, I think I've bored you enough. Cheers! :)

Perfect World

In a Parallel Universe, I am the exact opposite of me. (duh) So in some far off universe, I'm not a socially awkward nineteen year old.  I wonder how that must feel? To not be a loser and to have good eye sight.... These things will forever be a dream to me in this universe.

Anyway, in that said universe, I shall be the smartest in class. I would have chosen to go to that Science High School instead of a normal one. I would be in love and happy. I would have won academic awards for excellence. and in that Universe, she would not have left.....

I'm sorry. Anyway, In that parallel universe there would be no need for my pretend smiles because I would be happy. In truth, I can't imagine myself incredibly happy.

But whatever. I'm happy.... when I'm in playing video games anyway. hahaha. You're right. there I go again. pitying myself for things that are my own doing. bah! I'm pathetic. So yeah, what wouldn't I give to see that parallel universe me...

That parallel universe would be my perfect world. And maybe, just maybe... I'll be born there on my second life. and everything I didn't have in this world, I'll have there... 

I can't wait. What if...... naaahh.. That is NEVER an option.... I'll get there when God decides it's time. But till that faithful day comes, I'm on my own in this crappy world.

To those kids out there who just want a "perfect world" of their own, It'll come. We just have to wait.... cheers! and let's just try to stay alive. If not for us, but for the ones we love..

Cigarette Thoughts

I sit in the dark, my cigarette, the only light. I watch the smoke climb to heaven. Lucky bastards.

I take a puff. the smoke fills me. the taste of menthol rich in my mouth. After a few seconds, I let it all out. I close my eyes and think of the past events.... Events I wish never happened. Events I wish I never witnessed.

What's wrong you ask? It's nothing really. Nothing a cigarette can't help. But then again, this is my 3rd stick. Oh well. Atleast I'm feeling better.

I don't really have anything informative to say. I'm just.... I don't know... I'm confused I guess. I can't make great posts like the other people here on blogger. I'm just a kid. I just write what's in my head. And right now, the problem is that, my head's a mess. and so my thoughts are as well. I'm a loser.

I realized this. I'm a failure with love, a failure with my friends, and a failure for all eternity. I can't do anything right. I suck. Yes. you're right. this is self pity. I pity myself. But i only do this when I'm talking to you. Hundreds of faceless people. People who don't know me, people who have never seen my face, People who don't give a damn about this nineteen year old.

With all these thoughts coursing through my smoke filled head, I take another puff. I hold it in longer than the last time. I tried, and failed to stop the tear falling. Even the smoke couldn't stop it.

What was I doing with my life? Am I sick of it? am I tired? Yes. Yes I am. I'm tired of always hurting. But am I doing anything about it? No. That's why I'm miserable. You're going to suck if you don't freakin' move where you are! You're gonna stay in place? You're just gonna be like a tree. A tree that when a huge freakin storm hits will be uprooted and killed. That's what's gonna happen to you! you're gonna get killed. I doubt you wanna get killed, so move. Move your ass!

You want to date someone? Go for it! You Hate someone? Say it to their faces! You hate the system of your college? Fight! It's that simple. I know that it's easier said than done. Everything is. But once you get moving, there's no stopping you. So if I were you, I'd grab my baseball bat and knock some heads off!! 

C'mon reader! Let's freakin' do this!

With that last thought, and a resolved spirit, I put out my cigarette and wipe away the lone tear that escaped me...

cheers!

Siya: Nakakahiya naman, lagi mo na lang ako hinihintay.

Ako: True Love waits eh. Eh ako si True Love. xD

hahahaha. Minsan lang ako gumanyan. benta pa. boom!  Wala lang. masaya ako ngayong gabi.

Cheers Readers! :)

One More

I need to write something about that incident in NAIA from last month. You know, the one where Claudine Barretto and his husband got into that fight with that Tulfo guy? Yeah. that one.

I wanna get it done now so I can get it printed tomorrow, so that I don't have to wait in the computer shop on Friday morning. The incident last monday is still haunting me. :/

So yeah, I just sorta finished my Stat Homework. I only have one question left that needs to be answered. and let's face it, I can copy that off my friends maybe tomorrow or on Friday.

Honestly though, I don't know how to get started on that Tulfo-Santiago shiz. I mean, it's so outdated. Hundreds of stories about that fight is already on the internet. With that in mind, It's kinda lame to make a story about it now. psshh... But as a student, I have to make an article about it. But my classmates have a point. It's not like he reads any of it. He just packs it all in his office. hell, I wouldn't be surprised to hear that he's been selling all our papers to junk shops to gain money for his camera! hahaha. <--- that thought was from my friend.

Well,I guess I better get started on that STJ article. But I am soooo unmotivated. Motivate me reader! Give me a reason to live!

Ang Yosi

Pauwi kami, sakay ng Jeep na papuntang Cubao-Marikina galing Stop N' Shop. Trapik. Hindi na ako nanibago. kakatapos lang kasi umulan eh. Normal na yun.

Habang nakatirik ang jeep sa may malapit sa UERM, yung tulay dun. Ermitanyo Bridge ata yun, may mga nakita akong tao dumaan, mga nakayosi.

Napaisip tuloy ako, ano dahilan nila para magyosi? Anong comfort ang nakukuha nila sa paghigop ng ala-menthol na lasa ng tobako na nakabalot sa papel na ito? Ang tagal ko nagisip. ang tagal nakatigil ng jeep eh.

Naisip ko, tulad ng isa kong kaibigan, nagyoyosi siya dahil sa stress. Balita ko din, nakakaalis nga daw ito ng stress. Yung iba naman, as far as I know, trip lang nila, o impluwensya na lang ng paligid nila. Either way, ayan na eh.

So ngayon, tama nga ba husgahan ang tao base sakanyang vices? Kasi, ang dami ko kakilala lagi nila sinasabi na ang pangit ng mga naninigarilyo. Well, yeah, pangit nga naman talaga. Pero still, may kanya kanya tayong dahilan kung bakit natin ginagawa ang isang bagay. Kahit na sabihin pang mali ito.

Pangongopya pa nga lang eh. Alam nating mali, alam nating makakasama ito sa ating pagkatao, pero ginagawa pa din natin. Bakit? kasi kailangan natin pumasa. Aminin mo man o hindi, minsan ka nang nangopya.

Nakakaadik ang pangongopya. Aaminin ko. adik ako diyan, lalo na nung High School. Para lang yan yosi. nakakaadik. at regular mong ginagawa. Kaya sana, wag natin husgahan ang mga taong nagyoyosi. May dahilan sila. Problemado iba sakanila. Kaya pre, chillax ka lang muna. Hindi mo naman buhay ang matatapos nang agaran eh. Kanila. Hayaan mo sila.

Gumagalaw na ang jeep. titigil ko na ito. Hanggang sa muli. cheers!